Thursday, June 4, 2009

Life goes on.

It's been 10 years since my brother, Steven, passed away. Sometimes I miss him so much and the pain of losing him hurts so badly that it feels like it just happened. Other times I'm grateful for time going by because it becomes easier to move forward.

I'm so sad for what we haven't been able to enjoy together. He would have only lived about ten minutes away from me. I know we would have had enjoyed many bbq's together (although him and Drew would have had to fight for grilling rights).. silly times played Rock Band.. our kids playing together.. laughing and joking..

After high school, I moved out of the house just days later and lived with my brother for six months so I could watch his daughter while he and his wife worked. Steve was such a dreamer. He always had an endless amount of new and creative business ideas. I loved sitting down and listening to his latest and greatest- even the impractical ones. When Drew and I had eaten dinner at his house the week before he died, we laughed about what life would be like when Steve was insanely rich and was able to build a cabin where my entire family could go and hang out. It always went back to his family.. it's what mattered most.

Aubrey reminds me of Steve in how she can be quite the entrepreneur. She comes up with ways to make a little money.. and it works! She once made $2 by letting people buy one Pringle at a time from her opened canister. The story she likes is when Steve set up a store in our basement (which had a small kitchen in it). He had snacks, drinks and even our little air hockey table going. He had my sister's little tent set up where his friend Chris would paint the girls fingernails. Of course he also happened to sell me a bag of old peanuts he found in a cupboard which made me very, very sick.

Hayden, who is so kind to others, likes hearing about the time when we were at my grandma's (my brother John was in the hospital) and for a special treat, my grandma cooked a frozen pizza for dinner. Back then, there was a plastic sheet placed on top to help keep all the toppings on... well apparently my grandma had not noticed that and baked the pizza with it on.

I remember Steve giving me a look that said it all... we had to eat it or Grandma would never do this again for us. John was in the hospital a lot so this was a big deal! Amy was to horrified to even consider eating it but she was young enough to get away with that.. I think all she ever ate was PB & Honey sandwiches, anyway. But Steve and I.. we ate it. Two slices, each. No crust.

Carson just simply reminds me of my brother. They look a lot a like with their oh-so-blonde hair. And from a few stories I've heard, they might be a little alike in other ways. ;o)

Kaitlyn just reminds me of seeing how much he loved his daughter. He was so in love with that little girl! He really enjoyed being a dad.

And he put so much effort into making his wife happy. From projects for the house (I spent countless hours outside helping him put in the sprinkling system for their new house) to just taking care of her needs. After I had been at his house for about two months, he told me that she was having a hard time with working because she was missing out on her daughter's "firsts". He asked that if I saw his daughter crawl first to not say anything... so when I saw her crawl for the first time, I let him know but never mentioned it again. I still remember his wife jumping up and down, literally, with excitement that she was able to see that. It was just what she needed. So sweet of him.

Later today I'll spend time with my kids talking about more memories and watching them play and laugh, as life goes on...

Memorial Day, 2009


  1. What a great post. This is interesting...I think my brother that died was born the same year. I am sorry that he is gone. He sounds like he was quite the guy!